Mommy with a Penis

Homophobia moment number one deals with Black History Month in the Los Angeles Unified School District. At Wadsworth Elementary the students put on a parade carrying banners depicting prominent African Americans: Barack Obama, Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King, Jr., you get my drift. Along with these fine folk were also images of OJ Simpson, Dennis Rodman and RuPaul, which has caused quite a media kerfluffle, and in my opinion an unnecessary kerfluffle. Some parents were offended, then the school board got involved, and finally the NAACP got wind of it and the entire incident has been so blown out of proportion that it lead to the suspension and possible future firing of three teachers. Even our not-so-faultless mayor, Antonio Villaraigosa, chimed in, "These teachers undermine the school's well-intentioned celebration, and they did so at the expense of elementary school students. Their actions were not only cynical, but did a terrible disservice to the students, their families ...

SEBASTIAN: My daddy's a satyr. ANY STRANGER WHO WILL LISTEN: I'm sorry. SEBASTIAN: My daddy is a satyr. ANY STRANGER WHO WILL LISTEN: Your daddy eats Seder? SEBASTIAN: (With increasing fury.) No. He's a satyr. ANY STRANGER WHO WILL LISTEN: You mean a sailor. SEBASTIAN: A satyr. ANY STRANGER WHO WILL LISTEN: A settler? SEBASTIAN: A satyr! ANY STRANGER WHO WILL LISTEN: A senior? A sadist? A sitarist? SEBASTIAN: No. You are not listening to me. MY DADDY IS A SATYR!!! As a parent, I never expected to hear that uttered from my child's lips. The problem is twofold. No one expects a little kid to announce that his father is a mythological creature, and many folks don't know what the dickens a satyr really is. So, let's start by demystifying. In Greek mythology, a satyr is a follower of Dionysus, and on vase paintings is portrayed with with a swinging horse tail and perpetual erection. It wasn't until Roman times when the upper body of a man was attached to the lowe...