Mommy with a Penis

One hundred sounds really old, doesn't it? Come to think, I don't think I've ever met anyone who was one hundred. But this isn't about any one , and we're certainly not celebrating any thing that has achieved one hundred status. I've not made a replica of the Hollywood sign with one hundred sugar cubes, for example, or swallowed one hundred fireflies. This isn't even my hundredth blog entry, it's my seventy-eighth for those of you who are counting. But this is a monumental anniversary, nonetheless. It's Mommy's birthday. And by Mommy, I don't mean Sally, my biological mommy, her birthday is Income Tax Day. No, today Mommy With a Penis is a spry one year old. Birthdays are usually a time for self reflection, for looking back at the previous year and weighing achievements vs. missteps. It's a good time to create lists for the upcoming year, to meditate on future blog entries. For instance, do I reexplore the train wreck that is Carrie Pr...

Yesterday afternoon, I was listening to KGIL, LA's self-proclaimed, retro AM radio station. You know, Harry Belafonte, Herb Alpert, Lena Horne. And to announce an upcoming song, the DJ said, "Sit back and enjoy Paper Roses by Anita Baker." What? Soulful, smooth-as-smokey-scotch Anita Baker did a cover of the country tearjerker, Paper Roses ? Was this before or after Marie Osmond sang it into the top five with her "I'm a little bit country" vibe? As the music was swelling, even before I heard the vocalist, I knew the DJ had misspoken. And I involuntarily winced. We all have that place in the back of our brains that stores all sorts of ridiculous trivia. Some of which are at the ready for witty repartee, but the more arcane facts are buried deep behind layers of rat turds and cobwebs. And when those buried facts are dusted off and brought to the surface, I am amazed at the mound of crap I know. It seems at some point in my life I must have slipped my kn...

I haven't watched a beauty contest in ages. I'm just not that kind of queen. As a kid I would always root for my home state to win. I would insist she was the prettiest, the most talented, had the best taste in shoes. And from what I hear, Sunday night was no exception for Miss California. She was the front runner of the evening's events. And then in this Miss USA Pageant, like in all Miss USA Pageants, she had to go through the question/answer portion of the evening. And that's when Miss California opened her mouth... A transcript... Perez Hilton: Vermont recently became the forth state to legalize same sex marriage. Do you think every state should follow suit? Why or why not? (A tricky question, a basket of asps Obama doesn't like to touch, but still she might be able to finesse an articulate response. Mightn't she? She is a resident of left-leaning California after all.) Carrie Prejean, Miss California: Well, I think it's great that Americans are able t...