Deciphering the Code

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Mommy With a Penis is busily doing work in the bedroom when a three year old girl comes scurrying in.

MAXIE: Papa, Papa!

MOMMY WITH A PENIS: Yes darling?

MAXIE: I want a regielusodlkeyoooo.

MOMMY WITH A PENIS: What's that?

MAXIE: You know. A gloeuuhdoeiuiii.

Maxie sees that Mommy With a Penis is confused and tries to clarify.

MAXIE: 'Abastian has a leourertgderfff. An I wan one too.

MOMMY WITH A PENIS: Sebastian has something and you want one too.

Maxie nods, thrilled her meaning is understood. Mommy With a Penis stands.

MOMMY WITH A PENIS: Well, let's go find out what a hibbideyhoobey is.

Maxie and Mommy With a Penis go into the backyard, where they find a seven year old boy in the throes of some pretend game.

Mommy With a Penis turns to Maxie incredulously.

MOMMY WITH A PENIS: Is this what you wanted? A cigarette?

Maxie nods with enthusiasm. Mommy With a Penis quickly switches focus back to Sebastian, and finds that there are no words. A huge shit eating grin spreads across Sebastian's face.

SEBASTIAN: It's not lit, Papa. See? I'm only pretending.

The kids eyes are bright and their smiles iridescent. They have no sense of any wrongdoing. Mommy With a Penis is flummoxed, unsure what the lesson should be.

Fade to black.

Comments

Pip said…
thats a tough one. don't want to discourage pretending. don't want to encouraging smoking.

damn!
April 21, 2010 at 1:15 PM
Unknown said…
it's always the former drag queens fault, isn't it
April 21, 2010 at 1:16 PM
Beta Dad said…
I hope you figured out where he got the cigarette!

Good story--I stumbled on your blog from...somewhere. Can't remember. Anyway, I'm catching up now. I'm a SAHD of infant twins, so I'm hoping your archives will provide me with some wisdom.
April 21, 2010 at 2:22 PM
The Good Cook said…
oh wow... where did he get it? What was he pretending, other than pretending to smoke of course. When I was a little girl you could actually BUY candy cigarettes, yes CANDY, and pretend you were smoking... I'm pretty sure tobacco companies were behind those....
April 22, 2010 at 4:40 AM
Mark said…
"Down the shore", East Coast talk, you can still buy candy cigarettes. I was so happy to have found them since I used to roll a pack up in my sleave when I went to school. What? It was the cool thing to do. My Partner had a conniption fit when he saw the kids with them. Sorry, can't help you out. m.
April 22, 2010 at 5:30 AM
CSY said…
OOOOOOO, that's a tough one! Maybe you could tell him while pretending is awesome and it exercises your imagination, smoking is bad for your health and then scare the holy shit outta him by showing him nasty pictures of lungs like they do for the DARE programs...just a thought.
April 22, 2010 at 5:44 AM
fanaticSalon said…
How about "you're pretending to suck down deadly poison?"
April 22, 2010 at 2:44 PM
Unknown said…
Stumbled upon your blog & immediately love it.

And I'm totally interested in what the gem of a lesson you came up with.
May 20, 2010 at 4:40 PM
Lisa said…
Hi there, I stumbled on your blog a few weeks ago and I have been thoroughly enjoying it since. This is one of my favorite posts. It just made me laugh and you wrote it so well that I could picture it perfectly.

Anyway, I was reading random news today and came across this article. It seemed relevant, so I thought I'd share. Pretty cool!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31123391
May 22, 2010 at 12:35 PM
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