Come On Boys, Drop Your Shorts

I never thought I'd be that person. You know the type. Who would get offended by the words or actions of television characters. What she said is racist. That is blatant sexism. That kind of systemic ageism reflects badly on our society. Come on! Lighten up. It's only TV. And then I watched last week's episode of Criminal Minds.

I admit it, I'm totally into fictitious serial killers. I am an avid fan from Hannibal Lector to Dexter. And each week on Criminal Minds, I enjoy the horrifically damaged psychopath who reeks havoc leaving bodies in his wake. Then the team (an amusing bouquet of FBI profilers) use psychology and socialogy and a whiz bang ex-computer hacker to nail the bastard. This show is not for the faint of heart. The killers sometimes use grisly techniques, and sometimes after the air date even I with my cast iron stomach can't eat beef carpaccio for days. This last week, the filthy slime bucket of a killer developed an anthrax-like pathogen, and released it on a breezy day into a kiddie park. Lots of death. The team had to investigate.

The Tremendously Hunky Agent partners with the Overly Smart Dweeby Agent. They go to the suspect's house. Dweeby is exposed to the anthrax. Hunky calls in the HAZMAT team. Cut to shower set up. Dweeby is soaked in his clothes (huh?) and the following takes place...

Overly Smart Dweeby Agent: Go help Hotch.

Tremendously Hunky Agent: Hotch has plenty of people helping him.

Overly Smart Dweeby Agent: He needs you more than I do.

Tremendously Hunky Agent: Reid, I'm going to see you off to the hospital.

Overly Smart Dweeby Agent: I'm about to get naked so they can scrub me down. Is that something you really want to see?

(Uncomfortable beat. Tremendously Hunky Agent opens his mouth to speak, closes it and raises an eyebrow in fraternal understanding.)

Tremendously Hunky Agent: I'll check on you later.

AND HE GOES! Possibly leaving Dweeby to die an excruciating pathogen induced death.

But these guys are profilers. They use brain more than brawn. Logic and psychology and intuition are their tools. They've successfully tapped into the female side of their brains. And yet, here they are sharing in a stunning display of hombre a hombre homophobia.

What was the writer's intent if not homophobia? I can't imagine it was a humorous button. Besides Criminal Minds isn't know for its knee slapping jocularity. So, then, what was the point? Hunky leaves because he doesn't want to face Dweeby's peepee? Is that it? Is it a sexual orientation issue? Is it size? Girth? I mean really...what's the prob here?

Lt. Dan Choi went on the Rachel Maddow Show in March and said three fateful words, I am gay. He feels strongly against the discrimination that is Don't Ask, Don't Tell, something Obama says he is against as well. And when you think about it, it's okay to be gay in the military but only if you don't talk about it!?!?!!? Who does that benefit? Lt. Choi is a graduate of West Point. He's an Iraq combat veteran as well as an Arabic linguist. His subordinates know of his sexual orientation and don't give a rip. In essence, he is entirely effective at his job. And yet, by speaking three little words The United States Army has relieved him from duty.

"This is to inform you that sufficient basis exist to initiate action for withdrawal of Federation Recognition in the Army National Guard for moral or professional dereliction. Specifically, you admitted publicly that you are a homosexual, which constitutes homosexual conduct. Your actions negatively affected the good order and discipline of the New York Army National Guard."

How? How does it negatively affect? Every time this argument swing back into the news the only thing resembling an answer comes from some yahoo, "Well, how am I supposed to feel safe taking a shower if I know one of my platoonmates is a homo." So, is that the reason Don't Ask, Don't Tell is still with us? The fear of the shower. And someone peeping at your peepee. That excuse is as pathetic as the homophobic dialog above.

Be sure to follow the link and put your name on a list that asks President Obama to repeal Don't Ask, Don't Tell and not to fire Lt. Dan Choi.

I'm reminded of this French film called Entre Nous, and in it there is a scene with two women looking into a mirror topless. (Would we expect anything less from the French?) The one woman looks at the other and says, "You have beautiful breast." To which the recipient of the compliment responds with a typically blase French stare. She might as well have been told, "Nice nose."

No guy has ever platonically said to me, "Nice cock." And I have to wonder if it's impossible for a man to admire another man's phallus without sexual intent. We don't need to get into a whole discussion about skyscrapers and world domination. But to all you guys reading along, I have a feeling if we could compliment and even admire each other's peepees in a friendly nonthreatening manner, Criminal Minds wouldn't have banal dialog, and maybe, just maybe Lt. Dan Choi and twelve thousand five hundred other soldiers might still have their jobs.


surprised mom said…
Wait. Over 12,000 men and women who have VOLUNTEERED to put their lives on the line for this country and their fellow countrymen and women are FIRED because they SAY I am gay? Oh, that makes a hell of a lot of sense. Lets hope the president fulfills his promise quickly.

I am sick to death of homophobia. I can't wait until gay marriage is legal in all 50 states. Yet, when I say this, I still get dirty looks.

Ok, I might still be a little uptight. I don't think I could be blase about admiring a woman's breast or a man's cock. But then again, I'm not French.

Thanks for post and now I'll go follow that link to Obama.
Danielle said…
Tremendously Hunky Agent is sooooo Hot!
It is sad that this mentality is still around with as far as we have come in this country. I think we put so much pressure on men being men in our society that they can't be them selves in any light. It takes a REAL STRONG MAN to stand up and be himself. Why degrade that? We should be praising him.
LegalMist said…
On the bright side of the "don't ask, don't tell" policy, it can be used to advantage by anyone who is in the military and now wants out. Signed up for 5 years, but changed your mind after 2 and want out? Just announce that you're gay, and you'll be on the next bus home! Has the government reinstated the draft and your number is up? Just announce that you're gay, and you're off the hook! You were about to get out of the military, and they decided to ship you off to Iraq and now you can't leave for another year because you have to wait until your tour of duty is up? Just announce you're gay; they'll send you right back to the States!

...What a ridiculous, self-defeating, stupid and discriminatory policy...
Spider Lady said…
Along with the Don't ask, Don't Tell policy ~ the military also states that the only proper sexual position is missionary. I kid you not, they tell you what kind of sex you may have. If they find out you have sex in any other way ~ out you go.

I agree the DADT policy needs to be rid of ~ life is too short, esp. when you are in the military to be worried about someone's sexual preference.
Amy said…
Thanks for the link. I just submitted my signature and invited several of my friends to do the same.

My husband and I were talking the other night about this subject. It infuriates me that gays being able to serve in the military is even a topic in this country. I say we open up an honest discussion about how many women come home pregnant from tours of duty by men other than their husbands? Now THAT'S a problem.

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