Bad Mommy 5 & 6: I Bet They Both Failed Home Ec

It occurred to me earlier this week that I haven't written a Bad Mommy installment in quite a while. For those of you not in the know, Bad Mommy is where I commemorate various bad mommy moments. They could be my own personal missteps or newsworthy mommies who do jaw-dropping, unthinkable things. So, I'm shopping at Vons, racking my brain for bad mommies. You know, the usual crowd... Britney? Dina Lohan? Octomom? Mom of Octomom? When at the check out lane, this knocks me for a loop...

Could there be a more flabbergasting display of mixed messages? Bristol Palin, advocate for abstinence, looking pleased as punch with her cherubic baby boy wearing a (popped her) cherry graduation gown and mortarboard. I was baffled...hit me upside the head...the entire last year was a dream...baffled.

Teen pregnancy has never looked so glamorous!

Now, I am aware there are a lot of mothers out there who successfully raised their kids in similar circumstances. And I'm not one to slap morality on this issue, however I think we can agree in the majority of cases, eighteen year olds are not mentally nor fiscally ready to be saddled with an infant. They should be hanging out with their peers, smoking menthol Newports in the parking lot and stealing Lip Smackers from the mall.

Underneath this picture is the following Bristol Palin quote: "If girls realized the consequences of sex, nobody would be having sex. Trust me, nobody." How can anyone take this message seriously? She's beaming. If I were a seventeen year old girl and I saw this magazine cover, I'd probably think, "Where do I get one of those?" Bristol Palin telling young people they shouldn't screw around is as ludicrous as as Kirstie Alley extolling the virtues of a proper diet, or Manny Ramirez steering you to away from steroid usage.

In the article, she responsibly says girls need to imagine and picture their life with a screaming newborn baby and then follows that up by saying her son is the best thing that's ever happened. So, what's the message here? How is a tween supposed to cope? My mind is reeling. This cover is so doggone cute I'm about to run out and get my daughter's layette for her baby, and she's TWO!

But the apple had to learn this technique of confusing spin from someone. And that brings us to the tree, Sarah Palin herself. She continues to confound and stupefy. First it's all, this is a private matter between my daughter and her then fiance. And now, sure honey, I think a People cover will be swell. What happened to privacy?

I have a feeling that this cover is damage control for Sarah Palin's ongoing political career. Show the baby, our hearts will melt and we will forgive the transgression. And if La Palin is controlling the strings, I have to doff my hat because I know first hand she's right. When Michael and I first brought Sebastian to our families our approval rating grew exponentially. Babies are a common denominator and Sarah knows this.

So, as precisely as she picks off wolves from a helicopter, she places her young daughter and tender grandson in front of the ravenous press. Pound of flesh, baby. Because Mama's got a campaign to run in 2012.