Thursday, May 28, 2009

Bad Mommy 5 & 6: I Bet They Both Failed Home Ec

It occurred to me earlier this week that I haven't written a Bad Mommy installment in quite a while. For those of you not in the know, Bad Mommy is where I commemorate various bad mommy moments. They could be my own personal missteps or newsworthy mommies who do jaw-dropping, unthinkable things. So, I'm shopping at Vons, racking my brain for bad mommies. You know, the usual crowd... Britney? Dina Lohan? Octomom? Mom of Octomom? When at the check out lane, this knocks me for a loop...


Could there be a more flabbergasting display of mixed messages? Bristol Palin, advocate for abstinence, looking pleased as punch with her cherubic baby boy wearing a (popped her) cherry graduation gown and mortarboard. I was baffled...hit me upside the head...the entire last year was a dream...baffled.

Teen pregnancy has never looked so glamorous!

Now, I am aware there are a lot of mothers out there who successfully raised their kids in similar circumstances. And I'm not one to slap morality on this issue, however I think we can agree in the majority of cases, eighteen year olds are not mentally nor fiscally ready to be saddled with an infant. They should be hanging out with their peers, smoking menthol Newports in the parking lot and stealing Lip Smackers from the mall.

Underneath this picture is the following Bristol Palin quote: "If girls realized the consequences of sex, nobody would be having sex. Trust me, nobody." How can anyone take this message seriously? She's beaming. If I were a seventeen year old girl and I saw this magazine cover, I'd probably think, "Where do I get one of those?" Bristol Palin telling young people they shouldn't screw around is as ludicrous as as Kirstie Alley extolling the virtues of a proper diet, or Manny Ramirez steering you to away from steroid usage.

In the article, she responsibly says girls need to imagine and picture their life with a screaming newborn baby and then follows that up by saying her son is the best thing that's ever happened. So, what's the message here? How is a tween supposed to cope? My mind is reeling. This cover is so doggone cute I'm about to run out and get my daughter's layette for her baby, and she's TWO!

But the apple had to learn this technique of confusing spin from someone. And that brings us to the tree, Sarah Palin herself. She continues to confound and stupefy. First it's all, this is a private matter between my daughter and her then fiance. And now, sure honey, I think a People cover will be swell. What happened to privacy?

I have a feeling that this cover is damage control for Sarah Palin's ongoing political career. Show the baby, our hearts will melt and we will forgive the transgression. And if La Palin is controlling the strings, I have to doff my hat because I know first hand she's right. When Michael and I first brought Sebastian to our families our approval rating grew exponentially. Babies are a common denominator and Sarah knows this.

So, as precisely as she picks off wolves from a helicopter, she places her young daughter and tender grandson in front of the ravenous press. Pound of flesh, baby. Because Mama's got a campaign to run in 2012.

22 comments:

Liz said...

You're my favorite mommy-with-a-penis.

Michael Rivers said...

I could not agree with you more. When I saw the cover, my brow crinkled with such confusion I needed botox to smooth it out. I can't even count the number of mixed messages. Wow.

Manda said...

That Bristol Palin... She's a real maverick.

surprised mom said...

You are so right about the mixed messages. There are too many to count. The photo with the cute baby is supposed to make us go awwww. Is it supposed to do the same for teens and tweens? I have two girls, 18 and 15. What is the cover telling them? In this case it's not only the Palins, but People who are sending the mixed messages. Palin might have her campaign, but People has its bottom line. So, who's using whom? Just asking.

~Just me again~ said...

So right you are. Teens all think that its so cool to have a baby so early. My daughter is 21, but she has a few friends that had kids at 17 and 18. One of her good friends (18) is due to pop any day now. She had to drop after 1 semester of pre-med school. I can see her not finishing that. The father is a 33 year old corner store manager. It's sad, I mean he has a job, but yay minimum wage won't get you far.

My daughter gets mad at me when I'm cynical about her friends and that.I don't care...I know that in that department mommy knows best.

tinycandi said...

So...supposedly if girls KNEW the consequences of sex, they wouldn't have sex? <--THAT is what abstinence-only sex education gets you, my friends. Teenagers that have babies and act like they had NO IDEA that it could happen...and if they'd known it could happen they never would have done it.

Teh stoopid hurts my brain.

Dawn@Embracing the Ordinary Life said...

Unfortunatlly the key here is that they definetly should have kept it private...Cause, although the baby may be the best thing that ever happend to her...It did NOT come without a price...and no magazine is going to sell a picture of her crying holding a screaming baby while here friends are all laughing in the background.

NOONE thinks it'll happen to them...and we still think sex education (the REAL sex education) should be kept out of schools...I'm not so sure...If I tell my kids about the risks of sex...and the other 500 parent dont' tell their kids...who's leaning anything...

Ugh...it sucks all the way around..

Yankee Girl said...

Fansmashingtastic post! The cover quote blew my mind. Is she saying teens didn't know that sex can lead to pregnancy??? Is she crazy??? It amazes me that so many people on the right are so against everyone else having babies (ie, Britany and Jamie Lynn) but when their side does it it's completely ok. I never know what to believe anymore.

Except that sex does lead to pregnancy. End of story.

Melissa said...

LOL! I love your writing! I do agree with you on the mixed message she is sending...

The Good Cook said...

Poor Bristol Palin had no idea that having sex would lead to pregnancy. Thank God she finally figured it out. She can thank her mother and cronies for the lack of sex education in schools. Hmm.. wonder how she thinks her own mother got pregnant? Popular Vote? Great Blog.

Moira said...

I love that her robes are scarlet.

Sarah T. said...

This is a fantastic blog. So true! mixed messages abound! Bristol is a Mommy with a bad PR person.

Amy said...

Contradiction and complete bullshit rolled into one sweet little article. Ahhh....

I guess we're all supposed to be stupid enough not to get the completely mixed message in the article. "Don't have sex and get pregnant, but if you do...oooohhhh...look how happy it all turns out!" (And we're all supposed to believe that working part time to help buy diapers is really taxing her, whilst daddy dear, Todd watches the little muffin so she can go tan and work out. Must be really tough on the poor thing.)

*gag*

f8hasit said...

I agree on the mixed messages. I agree also with your take on the robe color! The saddest part is that People Magazine paid a HIGH price to the Palin family for the opportunity to do the story and photo spread.

Perhaps our society should stop BUYING People Magazine, watching TMZ and all the other voyourisms; then maybe the paparazzi would stop hounding stars and teenage daughters of political figures wouldn't even be considered for a cover photo on a magazine.

In the meantime, I'm going to have a nice long talk about morals and ethics with my tween daughter...

Thanks for your post!

Philly said...

I'm sure this child is the best thing that has ever happened to her, but on the other hand where would she be if she didn't have the support of her parents?
Let's face it, girls get pregnant and parents help with raising the kids. It's a fact of life.
And to tell you the truth, it wouldn't be the worst thing that has happened.
My daughter is 21 and I try to look at problems along the way with an open mind. She does not have a child but just issues over the years and you know what? Not so bad. I'll take a child over cancer.

#1

#1

Diana - FreeStyleMama said...

Awesome blog! Excellent post. Very mixed messages.

anymommy said...

Disturbing message, no doubt about it and your analysis of the reasons behind the sudden about face on press coverage strikes me as frighteningly accurate.

Also, "wearing a (popped her) cherry graduation gown and mortarboard." Pure genius. I'll be laughing for days.

Chris @ Maugeritaville said...

I'm not one to blame the media, but in this case, I blame the media. It's not Bristol Palin who chose to be on People magazine. It's the People people who are glorifying teenage whoredom. And you can't expect any DNA spawn of Sarah Palin to see the big picture, can you?

Well done, Hutch.

Ivanhoe said...

I think grandma needed the exposure & the money for this one :o)

CSY said...

I know all about teenagers haveing babies...my 15 yr old SISTER had a baby 3 yrs ago. I have a 12 yr old daughter and I'm trying my BEST to make sure she waits until she's at LEAST 80 to have sex...I know, not gonna happen, but I can dream can't I?

C said...

i agree witcha whole heartedly. its all a bunch of bullshit and lies. money making schemes.... if i was a teen again, i would go out and get prego so i could feel as happy as bristol looks.

c

my word ver. is WORYPOER

BWAHAHAHAHA like someone who worries whether they will pooh or not...

hahahaha

Laurie said...

BAM! {that was the sound of you hitting the nail on the head!}