Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Texas Ball and Chain Massacre



Marriage in this state shall consist only of the union of one man and one woman.

These are the exact words the grand ol' state of Texas chose to add to it's constitution four years ago to prohibit gay marriage. But those Texan lawmakers are cagey. They knew they couldn't leave the language simple. Some smart-ass sissy boy might find a loophole by procuring a civil union, let's say, and then backdoor his way down the aisle with a welder named Clyde wearing Vera Wang, no less. Oh, the horror! So, to put a stop to the whole magilla, gay marriage, civil union and it's incestuous cousin domestic partnership, the following sentence was added...

This state or a political subdivision of this state may not create or recognize any legal status identical or similar to marriage.

These changes were voted on, and not surprisingly, passed into law. That's right, it's in the books.

No gay marriage here. We're a football state, and we barbecue. So, take that, you pansies!

Hold up. Let's look at that again. "The state...may not...recognize any legal status identical or similar to..." Huh? How would that effect the legal status of a heterosexual marriage? For example, is the union between First Party Girl, Jenna Bush and Henry Hager recognized by the Lone Star State? Or has it been smashed to smithereens because of badly written syntax?

And even if Texas doesn't dissolve all marriages--although, truth be told, we all know some couples who would benefit from such a decree--I betcha we haven't heard the last of this.

"What do you mean I owe back payments in alimony? According to our very own constitution, I was never married."

"I'm sorry, since you're no longer technically his wife, the decision to keep Mr. Sourpuss on life support isn't yours. That belongs to his daughter from his first nonwife, and she has daddy issues and wants to pull the plug."

"Yes, if you were still legally her husband, her entire estate would have gone to you, however, since your marriage has been rescinded, all of Mrs. Richerthanshit's assets will go to the Gulf Coast Exotic Bird Santuary."

It tickles me greatly to see a fumble such as this. Nothing takes the bite out of discrimination like good old fashioned stupidity.

14 comments:

KatOfDiamonds said...

This is amazing... Gotta love stupidity. Only not really!

Love your blog! Hope you have a beautiful Thanksgiving =]

Monkey Mae said...

That is so ridiculous. Suck it, Texas legislators!

Flamin' Galahs said...

And stupidity is what Texans are best at, lets face it, they bred Dubbya! I should know, I've been living here for 15 months, my plan of escape kicks in March 2009. Cant come soon enough...

Michael Rivers said...

I love it!

Happy Thanksgiving!

surprised mom said...

Sometimes I just love it when stupidity reigns! I hope the Texas legislators are all wearing red this Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

Meeko Fabulous said...

Touche! Everything's bigger in Texas, huh? Well apparently not in the 'brain' area. :) This post totally made my day!

Mr. Knucklehead said...

There's nothing more dangerous than a redneck with a dictionary. Dangerous to himself, actually.

Of course, they'll add a third part:

"Uh, by that last there part we meant about the homeosax-shuls."

Jason, as himself said...

Texas is even more backward than I thought. I'm sorry.

MysteryChick said...

And they wonder why "Northerners" think "Southerners" are stupid.

The Renaissance Chick said...

It is tough being a really blue girl in a really red state! Civility and rationality left this state when Ann Richards was defeated by Dubya when his camp spread the rumors that Richards was a lesbian! Gasp! So, you see, Bush destroyed the State of Texas before he destroyed the country! It has been tough for those of us who love Texas, but hate what it has become!

C said...

if you're gonna be stupid at least do it right. ignorant bastards. oops. another point for us. their bad!

c

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

I thought discrimination WAS good old fashioned stupidity!

Jen said...

I wish they had done that here several years ago, I might have saved a fortune on both divorces.

I will never understand why this marriage thing such a threat to anyone. God knows the heteros have made a mockery of marriage for eons. I've been married twice and can still go and do it again but two guys or gals who love each other can't? It makes no sense to me.

Of course if it had been an option 46 years ago I wouldn't be here.

Candance said...

When my son was a toddler he and I went and voted against the bill that would make gay marriage illegal in Texas-in a Baptist church of all places! Then, as we passed the pastor's office, I announced very loudly to my little boy that we just voted to make sure that any two people that love each other can get married. The pastor gave us the stink eye.

I tell you all that only to say not everyone is Texas is backwards-or voted for Dubya. Some of us are pretty darn liberal and not so popular with the other residents of our state.