It's been awhile, folks, I know. I've allowed myself to sink into the delicious oblivion known as summer. I didn't have to get the kids to school. I didn't have to force my son to do mind numbing homework. (Sebastian's loathing of homework is only surpassed by my loathing of his loathing.) There was no speech therapy, no gymnastics, no car pools. Hell, there was no set schedule of any kind. Oh, sure, a smattering of birthday parties and a luau or two, but besides that, nada.
I woke up late, watched black and white movies, and occasionally sauntered into the kitchen for food. I'd prepare it, eat it, throw some at the kids, and then go back to my room to see what hijinks Cary Grant was up to.
I'm shamed to admit, some mornings I woke late due to an overindulgence in vodka the night before. But what's more natural then watching Bette Davis movies with a glass in hand? I must admit, on those fuzzy mornings, I developed a new found appreciation for the snooze button. Go ahead my children, clog the toilet with pretty ponies, color the dog with indelible ink and eat pudding for breakfast. Just let Papa get another ten minutes of shut eye.
Last Friday, a writing buddy of mine gave me the stink eye for not blogging. She informed me that Mommy With a Penis has been MIA for an entire month. No. It isn't possible. I wasn't living in a somnolent haze for a month. Was I?
Evidently, I was.
I did do a show at the Comedy Central Stage in Hollywood, and that took some of my time. And Mother Nature distracted me with raging fires and clouds of ash. But more than anything, the unrelenting heat is responsible for my nonblogness. I swear, some days I melted into a puddle of maple syrup. It's a marvel someone didn't scoop me up and eat me with their waffle. So, I blame my withering blog on the heat. Followed by lack of schedule. Closely followed by copious amounts of booze.
On Wednesday, school started. (Los Angeles starts after Labor Day. How sophisticated, I say with Bette Davis martini in hand.) Barack Obama has officially started the school year with his awesome speech. (And shame on you parents who thought our president would say anything divisive to school aged children.) And so, it's time for me to come out of my syrup filled cocoon. No more flirting with the snooze button. It's time to be active.
To me, September has always seemed a beginning of sorts. Something to do with new school clothes, unsharpened pencils and blank notebooks, I'm sure. And so, yesterday, I went to the gym. First time in months. Perhaps I'll buy fresh fish from the outdoor market on Monday and hike up Runyon Canyon on Tuesday. The options are limitless.
But for now, I think I'll go take a nap.