Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Don't Speak Ugly, Just Listen...

Let's get something straight. (Perhaps an unfortunate choice of word.) The consolation prize does not work. This is not like getting second place, the a red ribbon. I will not get up and say it was an honor just to be nominated. This was not we'll do better next time or congratulations or be a sport. This was a heart wrenching decision. So, even though I appreciate the well wishers who chimed in, at least your marriage is still legal, my heart is tight in my chest, my brain screaming.

Prop 8 was unfortunately upheld by the California Supreme Court, and in a confounding display of decision making, so were the eighteen thousand same sex marriages that were performed between June and November of last year. Upheld. I'm still married. But my brothers and sisters who didn't take advantage of the four month window cannot. I do not feel victorious.

People want to tell me about the bright side. But I don't need any one to pacify me right now. My anger will serve me. My anger will serve the cause. How can I feel safe about my marriage when it isn't even legal in my state? Hatemongers are out there with placards saying I am a sinner, my husband is a sinner. They point fingers and speak ugly, an ugly, if I remember correctly, God and Jesus and Buddha and Allah and all our teachers do not tolerate. It's not for us to judge, but rather a time to listen...

12 comments:

Manda said...

I'll be angry right beside you, though I'm on the other side of the country and am in a heterosexual marriage. I look at our world right now - all the bigotry and hate and closed-mindedness and it infuriates me. I promise, no matter how little it may influence our world, that I will teach my sons that it's perfectly fine to love whomever you want, that we're all full of worth and love deserves recognition no matter what. Promise.

Hillbilly Duhn said...

You have every right to feel angry! I'm with Manda. She covered pretty much what I feel.

~Just me again~ said...

It pisses me off to. My situation is a lil diff from yours, Im married to a woman in Texas. Not legal there, but now I have immigration to deal with.

You have every right to be pissed.

DITTO to what Manda said too.

only a movie said...

Ditto Manda.

And you have every right to be angry. This country is crazy.

I'm here in Maine, hoping that our state can stay sane.

Thanks for the link to that video.

Dawn@Embracing the Ordinary Life said...

I feel for you...I am saddened that so many people feel threatend by allowing all of us the equal right to marry the person we love...

However...Anger is not the route to take...Follow the advice of Mother Theresa and the Dali Lhama...Do not be angry...anger will only give streanght to those who appose you...Focus your attentions on positive action.

I truly believe that one day this will be done right...Right now it's time to prove those naysayers wrong...and you do that with Love, not hate and anger.

My best to you!

Our Crazy Life said...

I would love to post this on my blog, can you tell me where to get it?
I agree with every word that Manda said!!

PaleMother said...

I agree with you. Bigotry is not okay, no matter what. Bigotry is not a matter of degree. ~Government sanctioned~ bigotry in this country ... is an abomination.

"The legitimate powers of government extend to such acts only as are injurious to others. But it does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods, or no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg."

Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826)

surprised mom said...

You have your anger and you have every right to it. I have mine (about the same issue) and need to do something constructive with it. All I can say is ditto Manda and ditto PaleMother. I wouldn't inflict your fear about the safety of the legitimacy of your marriage on anyone. Can I say I'm so very sorry this has happened?

This IS The Fun Part! said...

What ever happened to the smaller government we keep being promised? I'm sick of government sticking it's nose into every phase of life. This is NOT an issue government should be involved in. When will they start telling us how many children we're allowed to house and raise?

I agree with No H8 - - - but I sure am getting impatient with these people!

Grannie

Sink said...

The video left me not angry, but sad. So sad for the families, couples, people, who feel less than because of someone else's fear.
"Don't speak ugly" is a wonderful thought. Let them learn to not fear through our loving actions.
Meanwhile, I am not afraid of your anger. I understand.
I still sing Fred Small's Everything Possible to my kids who are now teenagers.

Will said...

Be angry. I'm angry with you.

Full civil rights for the queer community must be enacted now. The silence from Obama and his administration... the delays... the excuses... they're just not okay. This kind of hate and discrimination is not okay.

It's about me. And you. And our kids. And our families. And our communities. It's about love and pride versus fear and bigotry and hate.

Separate is never equal, and religious beliefs have no business being the reason for any minority being denied full civil rights and equal protections under the law. Liberty and justice "for some" is un-American. We need liberty and justice for all.

Full marriage rights. Full legal protections for our families and our finances and our property and our jobs. The repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell. These things need to happen.

We in the queer community need to be adamant about the need for these rights. Not later, not some day, but now. And we need all the help from our straight friends, families, and communities that we can get.

So yeah. If angry's what you got, run with it. Whatever energy you've got to give it, angry, ebullient, or otherwise, go for it.

Sue said...

Very well written and stay angry. There are times I wake up and can't believe "the ways of the world", especially in CA. WTF? I will never, EVER, accept prejudice, it is just WRONG!! My thoughts and heart are with you!

Take care, Sue