That Crazy Chicken
Once upon a time, Little Chicken was living his fab twinkbottom life in West Hollywood when he stumbled upon the fact that Burger King gave money in support of Prop 8. He said to himself, "They think heterosexual marriage is more legit than homosexual marriage." And with that, Little Chicken flipped his apricot lowlights and said, "The lie is galling. The lie is galling! I must go to the Times and expose Burger King."
"Turkey Workout, Turkey Workout we can't," said Little Chicken. "Burger King gave money in support of Prop 8. Henna Placenta and I are on our way to the Times Office Downtown. Won't you join us?"
"I really had my mouth set on that latte."
"But they say that heterosexual marriage is more legit than homosexual marriage."
And with that, Little Chicken flipped, Henna Placenta cracked, Turkey Workout flexed and the three of them clucked, "The lie is galling. The lie is galling!!"
"The latte can wait. Instead, I will go with you to the Times to expose Burger King!" announced Turkey Workout.
And so, the three friends continued on their journey. On their way, Little Chicken, Henna Placenta and Turkey Workout bumped into Loosey Poosey coming out of a spin class. Little Chicken called out, "Loosey Poosey, Loosey Poosey."
"Little Chicken," exclaimed Loosey Poosey, her legs spread a little bit too wide, "give Mama some sugar." And Loosey Poosey overpowered Little Chicken with a little too much PDA making the others uncomfortable.
"Slut," Henna Placenta whispered under her breath.
Little Chicken had a brilliant idea, "Loosey Poosey, you must come with us to the Times. I just found out Burger King gave money in support of Prop 8."
"Hold up! She can't come," Henna Placenta spat out. "She's not even gay."
"Maybe not. But I am a beard for hire," said Loosey Poosey. Then pointing to Little Chicken she added, "And I'm his capon hag.
"Good enough for me," chirped Turkey Workout.
"Loosey Poosey," said Little Chicken, "they say heterosexual marriage is more legit than homosexual marriage!"
And with that Little Chicken flipped, Henna Placenta cracked, Turkey Workout flexed, Loosey Poosey tried very hard to not lay an egg and they all exclaimed in unison,"The lie is galling. The lie is galling!!"
"I will go with you to the Times to expose Burger King," said Loosey Poosey. "Just let me find someplace to lay an egg."
"Starbucks is near by," offered Turkey Workout still hoping to get that latte.
"We don't have the time," groused Henna Placenta. "You'll have to cop a squat behind that tree."
Shorty after Loosey Poosey laid her egg, the four continued on their journey, when they bumped into Rocky Cocky, Lucky Phucky, and Moe the Moo Cow coming out of the Pleasure Chest. Surprisingly, it didn't take long to convince the threeway to join them on their journey, considering they had just purchased new sex toys and Ukrainian porn.
"Of course," said Rocky Cocky.
"Lead the way," said Lucky Phucky.
"Moe," lowed Moe the Moo Cow.
"No, Moe, it's Moo," said Lucky Phucky gently. "Try it again."
Moe the Moo Cow took in a deep breath, and with all the concentration he could muster, "MOE!"
The others looked on with confusion. "Moe has a speech impediment," Lucky Phucky explained.
While Moe was practicing his moo, Turkey Workout sidled up to Rocky Cocky and said, "Looks like you were enhanced at the Pleasure Chest."
"What do you mean?" asked Rocky Cocky.
Turkey Workout answered the question by glancing down to Rocky Cocky's bulging crotch. Nonplussed, Rocky Cocky said, "Dude, that's not enhancement, that's me. One hundred percent Rocky Cocky." And he strutted away leaving Turkey Workout looking down at his less than stellar rocky cocky.
Once the speech therapy and dick wagging were over with Little Chicken said, "They say heterosexual marriage is more legit than homosexual marriage."
And with that, Little Chicken flipped, Henna Placenta cracked, Turkey Workout flexed, Loosey Poosey felt another egg coming on, Rocky Cocky adjusted himself, Lucky Phucky watched Rocky Cocky adjust himself, Moe the Moo Cow popped his cud and they all said, "The lie is galling. The lie is galling!!" All except for Moe the Moo Cow who said something that sounded like, "The sky is falling. The sky is falling!!" Which, of course makes no sense whatsoever.
At that moment a sleek limo pulled right in front of them and the passenger who stepped out seemed disappointed there was no paparazzi.
"Look," said Little Chicken, "It's that actor."
Moe the Moo Cow stomped his hoof demanding recognition.
"Sorry." apologized Foxy Detoxy. "You birds and bovine are behind the eight ball."
Moe moed, accepting the apology.
"Homosexuals already are banning many restaurants who donated money to stop gay marriage," said Foxy Detoxy.
Little Chicken said, "You mean, it's not just Burger King?"
"Of course not. There's also Outback Steakhouse, Acapulco, Chevy's, El Coyote, Yard House, El Pollo Loco."
A distinctive pall fell over the group. Finally Little Chicken spoke in a breathy whisper, "Did you say El Pollo Loco?"
"Yes," said Foxy Detoxy. "It was my favorite place until the ban was implemented. Why do you think I became vegan?"
Then there was a cacophony of lament: "Not El Pollo Loco." "I have it for dinner once a week." "I have it for dinner every night." "I have it for breakfast." "This is upsetting." "I'm sure I need to lay another egg." "Their chicken is so tender." "So juicy." "It's char broiled, not fried." "MOE!" "That's moo." "So much better than KFC." "I'm a chicken and I love El Pollo Loco." "Cannibal."
And they all just stood there, not sure what to do next. Surprisingly, it was Turkey Workout who broke the silence, "Sorry, if I caused a scene back there. I may as well admit that I've been taking...antihistamines, yeah that's it, antihistamines...and I haven't had a thing to eat all day. Why don't we grab a late lunch?"
"But where?" asked Henna Placenta cracking her knuckles. "All my favorite places are banned."
"Well then," said Turky Workout, "what do you say we all go for a latte? My treat."
And that's how Little Chicken, Henna Placenta, Turkey Workout, Loosey Poosey, Rocky Cocky, Lucky Phucky, Moe the Moo Cow and Foxy Detoxy ended up at Starbucks in the middle of the day, distracting themselves from the ban. But they all secretly knew, deep in their hearts, that some day, perhaps even tomorrow, they will ignore ban and once again experience the succulence that is El Pollo Loco.