And as an actor it's routine. I've never had the proverbial "Next" shouted out to me in the middle of an audition, however, I certainly have seen befuddled casting directors with that "don't call us, we'll call you" look on their faces. And to be honest, I have blown chunks on the rare occasion. Rejection in those instances is not surprising. However, when you know you've kicked ass, when the air in the room crackles with your brilliance, when the casting folks are slack jawed, bathing in the glow of your talent, and still they don't cast you, that really sucks a sow's teet. Usually there is no reason offered for the rejection. The other actor may have been a bit taller or blonder. Or maybe casting really liked his knit shirt.
Since September, I've auditioned twice for the theatre where my husband is artistic director. You would automatically think, "Wife of...he must get some nifty perks." But aside from the occasional free glass of box wine, being wife of is not the glamor position you might expect. But back to the auditions. Both plays were directed by Director Guy, who is a friend of mine. Always dicey.
The first time I went in with tremendous high hopes. It was between me and another actor. I was told by my husband that Director Guy was stumped. Did he want the seasoned reporter or the green, newbie reporter. Keeping with the times, he went green. Not only was I rejected, I was called seasoned. I have to say, I was somewhat crestfallen. It was a perfect part for me. Add insult to injury, it got back to me more than once that the newbie was the weakest link, and I should have gotten the role. Oh, lookee there, an open wound. Anyone have some salt? And you know what really ticks me off? If I'm forced to accept the mantle of seasoned, kicking and screaming all the way, then shouldn't the seasoned actor get the mother fucking role?
This last month, the above scenario happened again with eerie familiarity. Same director. Down to two actors. The big difference, I didn't have the high hopes. Experience taught me to guard myself. This time my husband told me I wasn't heavy enough. I'm not sure that's a valid excuse in Los Angeles. It might be hooey. But forgive me if I don't choose to examine that one too closely.
But this really isn't about an actor's rejection.
Fairly new to the blogging world, I've been putting myself out there best I understand. And when there is a group of bloggers with like interests: a mom blog, for interest, or gay blog, I put myself on the list. So, when I came across a blog called Hot Dads, I thought perfect fit. These were a bunch of dad bloggers talking shit and proud of it. From the entries I read, Hot Dads included humorous, irreverent, poignant stories, some of which had nothing to do with being a parent. Good writers all, and I wanted to be a part of them. Here is the email I sent:
I would love to write for Hot Dads. You might need a gay blogger in your mix. Check out Mommy With a Penis. And give a holler.
Not too eager. Not too stiff. Just the right amount of familiarity. I state what I do and don't belabor the point. Here's the response I received:
I don't think so....not quite up my alley. If you knew anything about me...you would not have even sent me an email.
Why was a hat pin thrust through my rib cage? Not up his ally, fine. But why not leave it at that? If I knew anything about him?? And just what would that anything be? It wouldn't be that he's HOMOPHOBIC, would it?
But this really isn't about a blogger's rejection.
Tomorrow, the California Supreme Court will rule on Prop 8. Talk about a crazy ride. We can get married. We can't get married. If you got married, there's a chance it may be invalidated. It's a fucking roller coaster. But being seasoned, I'm more skeptical. It's like auditioning for Director Guy for the second time. I've girded my loins with titanium. Otherwise the hurt can be profound. Here's hoping the Grand Poobahs handing down the decree are not like Hot Dad... "If you knew anything about us, you wouldn't have bothered with this equality thing." But even if that is their ruling, here are a few facts that will not change:
-I love my husband no matter what happens.
-We love the kids we jointly adopted no matter what happens.
-We are as much a family as any other family in these United States.
-Eventually, we will all look back at all this and say, "Gay marriage, what was the big deal?"
Strength, my brothers and sisters. Rejection is a bitch, but our heart and soul and tenacity will bear fruit. And try this the next time you're watching TV and one of those stuff shirts starts pontificating about family values. Don't let him or her ruffle your feathers, just yell from your gut, "NEXT!"