Mommy with a Penis

My beautiful daughter, Maxwell, is turning five tomorrow. And if I do say, she has blossomed quite nicely in her wee time on this planet. And that's saying a lot since she started life as a wrinkled bundle of distrust. Truly, I know of no other child who could cut her eyes like my daughter at one and a half. But now, she's a loving (and sometimes goofy) little girl who can't wait to share her most prized possessions with her besties. Even this month, as if in anticipation of leaving pre school and embarking upon a busy kindergarten life, she has equally become more open, leading with a confident smile with its adorable overbite, and also more obstinate, showing a strong will and an alarming ability to spin lies. "No, I didn't take your scissors without asking and cut the fur and nose off of Stuffed Lion." Now, this willful independence, as annoying as it can be, isn't my number one concern. As a matter of fact, I'm proud she periodically bucks the syst...

By now, most of have heard the latest Sarah Palin gaffe. (What? Another one? Get out of town!) While visiting the Old North Church in Boston, Palin made a horse's patootie of herself when presenting her loose interpretation of Paul Revere's place in history. She insisted Revere warned the British (?) and did so by ringing lots of bells. See for yourself... Seemingly unrelated, on Sunday, my little family went to a fundraiser for the Pop Luck Club, which is an organization for gay dads in the LA area. Sebastian, as usual, scored tons of tickets, sometimes by winning them at basketball dunking, sometimes by asking complete strangers for their tickets, and was able to trade them in for cheap ass candy and cheap ass toys. Michael, however, made his killing at the silent auction and raffle winning even more cheap ass stuff. He scored a camera bag full of random Pixie Hollow items (oh, joy) with Tinkerbell's image emblazoned on EVERY SINGLE THING (double joy). Didn't matt...

Self promotion can be so tawdry, just ask Donald Trump. However, I will brave the possible negative fallout and toot my own horn. My blogging has fallen short as of late because I am in middle of two rehearsal processes. That's right, Mommy is performing! Opening on June 3rd is Invincible: The Legend of Billie Jean . The title might tickle a memory synapse (or whatever the fuck it is), for back in the big-haired eighties The Legend of Billie Jean was a movie starring Helen Slater. (Ah, Helen Slater...that harkens back, doesn't it? Her name brings to mind other eighties luminaries, such as Jan Michael Vincent, Judge Reinhold, Molly Ringwald and Cher.) Well, a few liberties have been taken with our Billie Jean. Okay, maybe not a few...a whole battalion of liberties have been taken with our Billie Jean . (And no, this is not about tennis great, Billie Jean King, nor is it about the character in Michael Jackson's hit song.) Our show is...oh, what's the word...campy. Big ...