Mommy with a Penis

A couple months back when this pic was snapped, I had this crazy thought that my daughter could be a successful kid model. This is always a dicey speculation. The stories of bratty child actors/models are legendary. But Maxie is special. She really takes to the camera. She doesn't do what Sebastian does, which is smile like a Cheshire cat gone rabid. No, Maxie actually seems to understand the nuance of posing. And her pictures are oftentimes glorious. It did occur to me if Maxie were to be a child model then I, of course, would have to become a stage mom. I tried to put myself into Mama Rose's wedgies and pill box hat, and I began to see possibility... Swigging Chardonnay with Mama Kardashian and Mama Lohan , demanding my daughter's mini fridge be filled with Kabbalah water and diet passion fruit infusions, insisting her dressing room include tuberose scented aromatherapy tea candles, the newest set of Hello Kitty plushy collectibles and green tea Lip Smackers (it is impl...

The facts are these... On April Fools Day, 53 year old Susan Burns from Arlington Virginia attacked the above painting, Two Tahitian Women , by Paul Gauguin at the National Gallery in D.C. She beat on the acrylic protective covering of the 112 year old painting, reportedly worth eighty million smackeroos, until some of its supporting screws were loosened from their moorings and fell to the floor. She was forcibly stopped by another museum goer and taken into custody, whereupon she uttered the following, "I feel that Gauguin is evil. He has nudity and is bad for children. He has two women in the painting and it's very homosexual. I was trying to remove it. I think it should be burned." It's probably safe to say that Susan Burns has a few screws loosened from her mooring as well. Homophobic or not, you got to be one banana short of a split to go all Rocky Marciano on a post-Impressionist masterpiece in broad daylight and expect to get away with it. It turns out Ms. Burn...